Aieeyah! I couldn't be bothered to join the long queue to buy masks outside my local Mannings yesterday. I told my kids to wear their old Halloween masks instead. Much more fun.

A doctor told me that masks are only helpful if you're in crowded spaces - and the only crowded spaces yesterday were crowds outside shops selling masks.

O, the irony.

Others agreed. Keeping your hands washed is more important than wearing masks, I heard from Dr John Nicholls of Hong Kong University.

Another doctor told me why hands not mouths were the main source of infection: "We touch things and people all the time, but we don't kiss things and people all the time."

Speak for yourself, madam!

* * *

Around the corner at Marketplace, the expensive yuppie supermarket, managers didn't have to raise prices to sky-high levels to profit magnificently from the panic buying which emptied several shelves.

Prices have been sky-high since the chain opened. "Marketplace managers have been waiting all their lives for this moment," one shopper said to me. "They must be so happy."

* * *

O, the irony #2: You hear doctors on television say that the coronavirus can stay alive on objects for awhile. And then you look at the address on the box of masks to see where they were made (see picture). Ah yes, the delightful city of Wuhan.

* * *

Hong Kong's China-haters yesterday: "How come Hong Kong leaders didn't immediately shut down all the borders with the mainland? We are outraged!"

Also Hong Kong's China-haters yesterday: "How come everyone's panic-bought all the food out of the shops? We are outraged!"

* * *

Actually, this city's loud and annoying anti-China brigade probably has no idea that most of Hong Kong's food, drink and everything else comes from the mainland.

If the government did shut out all mainland products for awhile, it would be a nice "learning opportunity" for them.

No food and drink for a couple of months: do them good.

* * *

The people who wanted an instant total closure of this city's entry gates have no idea how many Hongkongers visit China. An estimated 200,000 to 300,000 Hong Kong residents headed off to the mainland for the holidays.

One reader said: "An immediate shutdown would have been like nailing your door closed while your children were out at school and a visiting electrician was in your house fixing your water heater."

* * *

Since Monday, Customs officers have been swooping on hundreds of pharmacies in a crackdown on sales of masks with false trademarks.

Why? People aren't going to care. "Oh the maker of my surgical mask is using someone else's trademark, I'd better throw it away and die of coronavirus instead."

* * *

Due to concerns about the virus, the official Death Registry in Wan Chai will close tomorrow at 1 pm and remain shut all day on Sunday, the government said yesterday.

In other words, if you're going to die, kindly wait until Monday. Or else.

* * *

Teachers were amazed to see an official-looking press announcement from Hong Kong's Education Bureau saying that the school holidays would be extended further, to the end of February.

It was a fake. Some kid somewhere deserves to be grounded for a week. And given an "A" in Design Technology for his Photoshop skills.

Talk to me! Send ideas and comments via the Facebook pages of the author or The Standard

People in a panic do the very worst thing