Children look up to parents as their strong leader

Human beings are social animals. When a child is born, he starts to learn to become a member of his group by following orders and instructions and trying to figure out the invisible rules and norms of his group.

As a baby grows, he starts to gain physical and mental prowess, which allows him to try more and more things around - including dangerous things.

Children are not aware of what is dangerous - apart from the obvious things they recognize from birth as part of their instincts, such as heights, animals that are bigger than them and fast-moving objects.

Other than that, they have no idea of what is harmful to them and rely on their parents to protect them from danger.

It is challenging for most parents to strike the balance between giving their children autonomy to explore the world around them and restricting their exposure to potential dangers.

A common mistake made by most parents is that they prefer to remove their children from exposure to dangerous things directly, rather than teaching them how to get rid of those dangers.

One of the reasons for this is that parents usually try to provide kids with a childhood that is absolutely happy and free of worries. Their intentions are noble - but overprotection actually does more harm than good to children, both physically and mentally.

It is easy to understand the harm done to children from overprotection.

Children will rely too much on their parents and there will come a day when their parents will not be able to stop them in time and an accident will occur.

Most parents believe that children will feel safe and eventually live a happier life when they are provided with strict rules. That is what our instincts point to.

As human beings, we like to follow powerful leaders who show us the way, a characteristic we inherited from our ancestors.

You are your children's leader. They rely on your command and guidance to stay away from danger. If you do not provide them with clear guidance and execute punishments when they break rules, they feel unprotected and develop fear and anxiety.

Be a good parent and a good leader to your children.

Set boundaries to restrict their dangerous actions and execute punishments whenever they break rules.

You will be shocked because after reasonable punishments that your children deserve, they will not be afraid of you. Instead, they will be more willing to stay with you, as they believe you are a good leader, powerful enough to protect them.

That is exactly the feeling of safety they need to back them during their journey growing up.

The president of the Hong Kong Psychotherapy Association, Dr Kyle Lam specializes in using psychotherapy to help people who face difficulties in their families, workplace, relationships, studies and daily life.