Sharing with your kids keeps family ties strong

Many mothers find it upsetting to hear their children calling their domestic helpers "mom." Many parents in Hong Kong work full time and the work culture occasionally requires staff to work overtime.

Promoting work-life balance, five days of work become a benefit in some companies and these terms frequently appear in job-seeking magazines and newspapers.

Working for such long periods means that the time you spend with your children is becoming less.

Before the Covid-19 outbreak, when parents went to work, they relied on their domestic helpers to take care of their children.

The helper was responsible for accompanying the children to and from school, preparing their lunch and putting them to sleep - some of them were even responsible for helping the children to complete their homework.

That is exactly what parents should be doing, and you cannot blame anyone when your children called your domestic helper "mom."

With long working hours a fact for many parents in Hong Kong, what we should do is to provide our children with quality parenting time.

Children are sensitive to what their parents are doing. If you are keen to stay with them, they can really feel it and will respond accordingly.

However, it is a tragedy that most Hong Kong parents are stressed during work and all they want to do when they arrive home is to rest and watch TV. Most of the time they will sit back and ask their helper to play with their children, feed them and bath them.

Try to think from the point of view of your children. Are they the parents I want? Why do they always neglect me? Am I doing something wrong? Am I really a burden to them?

After some time, the bond between you and your children will become so weak that they will be afraid to communicate with you and when they face any problems they will seek help from your domestic helper, who knows them best within the family.

Starting from today, drop your phone and close the TV when you come home. Enjoy dinner with your children, talk to them, ask them whether there is anything they would like to share with you and share your story with your children too.

Although they may not know what you are talking about, the important thing is that sharing is an effective way to build connections.

Do not push away your children. They are always waiting for your love and care.

Dr Kyle Lam is president of the Hong Kong Psychotherapy Association. He specializes in using psychotherapy to help people who face difficulties in their families, workplace, relationships, study and daily life.