Everybody's got their own spin on news

Regular contributors to this column were amused at how predictable media outlets have become. So we discussed how various groups might comment on a single piece of news, such as the news that two million Hong Kong people ordered the government masks on the first day.

Apple Daily: It was another clear act of police brutality!

Ta Kung Pao: It proved the inherent superiority of all parts of the glorious Motherland.

Amnesty International: It violated mask factory workers' human rights, we hope.

Global Times: It shows that Hong Kong now shares Beijing's fabled efficiency.

Telegram Black Group: The masks transmit everything you say to the PLA and must be destroyed, just like Hong Kong's traffic lights.

Wen Wei Po: It shows China saving everybody AGAIN.

RTHK: It was a distraction by the government so that riot police could blatantly enter a shopping mall to pepper-spray an innocent choir of toddlers. A CHOIR OF TODDLERS.

RT: In an excellent idea given to Hong Kong by Russia

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Don't go back! University administrators in Hong Kong are calling on students to abandon the courses they started in Western countries. Finish your degree in a safe, virus-free city instead. Polytechnic University staff are offering students full academic credit for the "work" they did overseas.

It's a tempting plan since many students spend the opening semesters at universities in the West learning how to party. Woohoo!

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On TV this week was an interview with a man in Portugal who has solved the mask problem creatively. In Hong Kong, we had endless discussions about the size of mask pores measured in nanometers and in the West, it's all a big joke.

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Many have spoken of disasters caused by attempts at amateur hairdressing during the lockdown, but reader B Lee's was different. He nervously let his wife cut and dye his hair and found her superior to the professionals. "This will save me HK$450 a month from now until forever," he said.

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Readers chuckled to see politician Claudia Mo Man-ching criticizing Ocean Park's financial problems in the press yesterday. The theme park invested billions of dollars to capitalize on its popularity with mainland tourists.

But that big-spending customer group was driven away last year, thanks to politicians - one, in particular - who stoked violent, anti-mainlander civil unrest in Hong Kong. Her name? Claudia Mo.

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Incidentally, Ms Mo fell out with the main pro-democracy parties because they didn't share her extreme dislike of mainland Chinese visitors. She started a group called Hong Kong First, a name that echoes Britain First and America First, parties known for their hostility to immigrants.

In 2016, she told reporters that she had been aware of the growing presence of mainland visitors since 2012. "At the time, people could already see individual tourists occupying the streets," she warned.

Outrageous mainland tourists! Spending their money and boosting our economy! How dare they!

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How to be a Hong Kong journalist in five easy steps: 1) Be a marginally sentient mammal aged 13 or up. 2) Claim to be a Hong Kong journalist. 3) That's it. 4) You're done. 5) Have fun!

But to be serious for a moment, there must now be more fake journalists at Hong Kong protests than there are at the Rugby Sevens.

And that's really saying something.

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