Get trained to 'defuse bombs' as a conflicts resolver

A Chinese idiom, "the person who tied the bell (to the tiger's neck) is best placed to untie it," calls on those who created the problem to undo it.

However, more people are increasingly embracing the Chinese/Asian wisdom of avoiding the potentially sharp teeth of the courts by appointing a wise person, a neutral professional third party, to mediate.

They do so to produce more time-and-cost effective and creative resolutions of disputes in the hope of maintaining some guanxi for potential further collaboration.

Having served on a panel discussion with an expert from the police negotiation team alongside seasoned mediators in international conflict resolution, I would like to share some mediation skills to add to your toolkit for your everyday adventure.

One approach is to first consider which of the following three categories of mediation would best "defuse the bomb" between the parties to a dispute:

? Facilitative mediation. This is where a mediator does not comment on the dispute or provide legal and professional opinions but instead focus on interests, allowing the parties to resolve the conflict autonomously;

? Evaluative mediation. This is where the mediator can assess the strengths and weaknesses of both sides' arguments, comment on the accuracy of each party's viewpoint, and predict the possible outcomes in court or arbitration;

? Transformative mediation. This is where the mediator tries to unearth and resolve deeper buried issues, values and viewpoints that caused the disputes and if unearthed and patched up may help future disputes of similar causes.

I would like to now share the "2R techniques" which you may find helpful:

? Reframing. This strategy involves adjusting thoughts or statements. It seeks to assign a positive meaning to what might otherwise sound like negative issues or remarks.

For example, when a party says, "He is foolish; I already told him I need 3,000 pieces of clothing, or how can I explain to my clients? I won't pay," the mediator might reframe the statement in a less emotive manner and say, "Are you saying that the quantity of clothing is crucial for your business? If the other party is willing to send out 3,000 pieces, you would make the payment as agreed?;"

? Reality testing. This is another crucial technique. It involves strategically designed questions that allow the mediator to help each party understand what reality they face by not settling at all or by settling the dispute based on what might be incomplete parameters.

For instance, if a party states, "Unless he apologizes in all Hong Kong newspapers, I won't back down," the mediator might say, "The other party has refused to apologize publicly in the newspapers, and your demand seems somewhat unrealistic. If this stalemate continues, you will face high costs and lengthy legal proceedings, and the outcome may not be in your favor."

Mediators generally do not provide legal opinions or judge who is right or wrong.

Rather they usually focus on assisting all parties in bringing out the issues, establishing common grounds and, where appropriate, explore strengths of arguments, help identify potential solutions with help of some reframing and reality testing.

Once a settlement agreement is reached, it can be formalized into a legally binding document.

Through mediation, parties can establish more flexible, creative and practical settlement terms, often exceeding the limitations of legal remedies provided by courts.

AALCO Hong Kong Regional Arbitration Centre offers various courses for arbitrators and mediators.

These programs cultivate participants' effective communication, negotiation, and problem-solving skills, enhance conflict management techniques and open up career development opportunities in disputeresolution.