We're top of the world, but no one cares

International media were yesterday applauding New Zealand as if it was the most successful virus-fighting community in the world. Not fair! On every single count, Hong Kong's performance beats theirs.

"With four deaths total, we've had the most successful control measures in the world," said reader Tom Guendert.

And Hong Kong achieved its fantastic result without a lockdown. "I've been working from 8am to 7.30pm every weekday since January 2," said James Chao. "And I'm not an essential worker."

It's not just that the media won't acknowledge Hong Kong's world-class performance. It actively pours scorn on our efforts.

At a press conference yesterday, Chief Executive Carrie Lam Cheng Yuet-ngor asked for questions. A reporter asked: "Do you agree that your delayed border lockdown measure was responsible for the global outbreak of the coronavirus pandemic?"

I don't know how she stops herself from pulling out an AK47 and shooting the whole miserable bunch.

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Hong Kong transport officials called for ideas for personalized car number plates with up to eight characters to be filed from Friday this week.

How many owners of scary looking dark cars with tinted windows are going to go for "COVID 19" or "V1RUSMAN" or something similar, I wonder?

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Virus? What virus? Large crowds are gathering every day outside the Koo Zon Tang bakery in Fortress Hill to pay HK$55 for a slice of cake.

But after catching the delicious smell, I can see why this is one dessert where people have decided to risk taking the cliche "to die for" literally.

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The Hong Kong hamsters have been freed. Two were quarantined on suspicion of having Covid-19, but both have been certified virus-free and released, the government revealed.

No doubt the pair are celebrating via Zoom with tiny bottles of Moet et Chandon.

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Last time I saw Singaporean office worker Bala Shetty, he'd just hung up his suit to try cooking at a tiny street-side stall. But would anybody buy his food?

I found out recently when he sent a message to friends just after 4am. In a panic over infected migrant workers, the Singapore government called for his help.

Assignment: cook 4,000 curry meals. Ready, steady, go. "I started at 11am and finished at 4am the next day - 17 hours straight. My back is hurting like hell, I can barely walk," Bala said. How did he feel? Thrilled.

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Why doesn't the Hong Kong government just put massive amounts of pentobarbital into the water system so that we all sleep for two weeks and the coronavirus dies out completely? A long nap would be nice just now.

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Hong Kong's anti-government activists this week said they were releasing a list of about 1,000 businesses from which all purchases should be made because they have no links to mainland Chinese individuals.

This neatly confirms what some observers have long said: Hong Kong's so-called pro-democracy movement is at least partly an anti-mainland immigrant campaign in disguise.

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Shocked to read of the robbery at the Ten Thousand Buddhas Monastery in Sha Tin on Monday.

Even if you are non-spiritual, how could you steal stuff with literally thousands of pairs of gold-leafed Buddha eyes staring at you? Wouldn't you feel cursed or haunted?

I feel a bad movie coming on.

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