Oh no! Global free market capitalists are being stomped on by an authoritarian superpower, analysts warned yesterday.

The capitalists? Those are the Chinese people who put huge amounts of investment cash into popular next generation firms Grindr and TikTok.

The authoritarian superpower? That's the United States, whose brutal treatment of the two firms is breaking all the rules of the free market.

"This is modern international piracy on a massive scale," UK analyst Alan McLeod said yesterday. British economist John Ross described US actions as "economic gangsterism."

This all lends weight to the theory that China and America are swapping places on some levels.

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While the TikTok story is making the headlines, most people have missed the fact that the US also said it wants to ban WeChat, the main communications link between America's 370,000 Chinese students and their families in China. It's sad - WeChat, like TikTok, had the power to link East and West.

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But maybe we need not worry. If Donald Trump's war against all things Chinese is as successful as his battle against Covid, Americans will soon be replacing cutlery with chopsticks while watching TikTok on their WeChat accounts.

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Still eating at home? You know you're overdoing the Foodpanda orders when the delivery guy arrives with the words, "It's me" - like he's your spouse or something.

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Popular Hong Kong commentator Daniel Dumbrill had a laugh at his own expense when he noticed that his latest video had been renamed "the dumbo podcast" by YouTube's automatic subtitling software.

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Young Hong Kong property owners are breathing a sigh of relief. Dear leader Carrie Lam eased mortgage rules last year to enable them to buy apartments.

But a Covid-inspired slump led to 384 owing more cash than their flats were worth. Opposition politicians predicted the number would rise above 1,000.

But new statistics show that the opposite happened. Rising Hong Kong property values have lifted 257 negative equity holders out of danger, with the remaining 127 not far behind. Phew.

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Hong Kong's high-class supermarket City'super was valued at HK$2.3 billion this week. Given that a small pack of mince there costs HK$96, I reckon the supermarket's meat display alone must be worth the GDP of a small country.

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The free virus test services offered to Hong Kong residents are a scam by the mainland Chinese authorities to steal our DNA, according to the latest insanity from conspiracy theorists.

A social media voice using the name Go Hong Kong said: "Let the organ harvesting begin."

"Hong Kong media gets wackier and wackier," said reader Tom Guendert.

What would mainland scientists do with radical protester DNA anyway? Grow a few clones and make them study history?

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Many Hong Kong lawyers have been fuming about how the media always quotes Philip Dykes of the Bar Association as if he represents the legal community, despite his group being a mere 12 percent of them.

Lawyers also say he acts like an opposition politician. A few days ago, Dykes filed an application to join the Legislative Council - to become an opposition politician.

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The mysterious Hong Kong company that recently made a US$3 million (HK$23 million) donation to the University of Pennsylvania was called Nice Famous Corporation.

No, I've never heard of it either.

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Bankers shocked at new authoritarians