Local advice for the Capitol Hill rioters

Central Station | Nury Vittachi 20 Jan 2021

Hong Kong wits have composed a letter purporting to give advice from this city's protesters to compatriots in America. The note, addressed "To USA Patriots Charged With Violent Crimes On Capitol Hill" last week, says:

"Dear Fellow Trump Fans, all you have to do is claim to have been acting for 'freedom and democracy', then jump bail, and then get on a people-smugglers boat to Taiwan. Result?

1) The US State Department put out an official statement saying you were guilty 'ONLY of fleeing tyranny'.

2) The BBC, Reuters, AP, and AFP will OMIT ALL YOUR CRIMES from media write-ups! (This is true even if they are serious ones like making bombs and possession of weapons.)

3) Boris Johnson will offer you special passports to live in the UK.

4) And the best bit! The US will SANCTION the hard-working law enforcers who caught you!

P.S. But one thing: try not to get caught on the way."

* * *

There was much discussion in Hong Kong yesterday about the plan to convert Ocean Park into an open area where anyone can wonder around freely, buy food and drinks and view amusing life forms from around the world. Hmm. Don't we already have Discovery Bay for that?

* * *

Fortress Hill residents were unnerved when a shop called BLACK RIOT opened in their neighborhood, especially since it was near a branch of Chickeeduck.

But frowns turned to smiles when it turned out to be a classy designer label for motorbike gear.

Genteel staff have even put up the pictured sign telling bikers not to "show off" when driving away on their shiny noisy beasts.

* * *

Luc Julia, the creator of Siri, was a keynote speaker at a Hong Kong financial conference yesterday. If I'd been there, I'd have asked him why he chose that name for the iPhone's talkative assistant. The world is so crazy now that people keep saying "Seriously?" and everyone's phones wake up with "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that? Please repeat your question."

* * *

Also featured at the Hong Kong conference was Alexis Ohanian,

co-founder of Reddit.

Two years ago, Chinese tech company Tencent bought a big chunk of the discussion site and many Hong Kong Trump fans complained endlessly that they would be banned from it because of their anti-China attitudes.

Now, two years later, part-Chinese-owned Reddit STILL has zero censorship - while Trump and more than 40,000 of his fans have been dramatically silenced from America-owned sites such as Twitter, Parler and others. Oh the irony!

* * *

In related news, Trump-loving protesters in Hong Kong and elsewhere are switching over to a new "censorship-free" discussion site set up by the Epoch Times. Reader SKK Boz said: "Shutting down Parler hands social media control over the largest group of extremists in America from an American company into the hands of a weird Chinese cult. WTF?"

* * *

One reader, writing from Washington DC, said that the fenced off, heavily fortified area in the city was now more than three kilometers long. For comparison with Hong Kong, that's the same as the entire distance from Victoria Park to the middle of Central.

* * *

Important safety advice: eat one tub of Haagen-Dazs every day to build up immunity in case anyone tries to kill you with ice cream. You're welcome.

Talk to me! Send ideas and comments via the Facebook pages of the author or The Standard



Search Archive

Advanced Search
March 2021
S M T W T F S

Today's Standard