Harry and Megs, your flags are in stock

Central Station | Nury Vittachi 13 Jan 2020

We've got the perfect job for Prince Harry and his wife Meghan. The disaffected British-American royal couple can come to Hong Kong and lead the anti-government movement.

1) Our protesters have been carrying British and US flags for months.

2) Prince Harry is a soldier trained in throwing bombs.

3) The only real requirement for female protesters is to know how to look good in black - which Meghan does.

4) Police are unlikely to fire a water cannon at the couple in a golden carriage.

5) They'd get paid in cash and coupons, so would get their usual zero tax liability.

Many commentators say what's happening in Hong Kong is a proxy for the West-versus-Asia struggle, so having white folk along with the Western flags makes sense.

* * *

Fancy being an overseas representative for Hong Kong with a nice expat pay and benefits package? There's a job going as commercial relations officer in a Hong Kong government representative office just now.

It's in Wuhan.

* * *

Watch out for a lot of men in wigs and colorful dresses strutting around Central this morning. No, it's not a men-in-drag show. It's the ceremonial opening of the legal year, which involves Hong Kong's top judges of both sexes parading around in robes.

By coincidence, tickets have gone on sale for a visit to Hong Kong next month by RuPaul, the world's most famous drag queen.

Movie plot: a judge and a drag queen accidentally go to each other's functions. Twist: Nobody notices.

* * *

This city is about to achieve independence from China. "Hong Kong is leaving," declared commentator Gordon C Chang in a tweet, adding: "Taiwan is gone for good." Xinjiang and Tibet will be splitting from China next, he predicts.

Interesting. Whenever Gordon[a former lawyer at Baker and Mackenzie in Hong Kong] predicts something, the opposite happens.

Chang rose to fame with a book called The Coming Collapse of China, published in 2001, just before China's great boom period.

* * *

Our lands department just released information in a press release with a disclaimer: "The information disclosed in this press release is for information only." Riii-iight.

Reminds us of this display of in-the-shell-peanuts that came with a warning: "May contain peanuts!" Well, one would hope so.

* * *

Ten patients fell ill and "their test results were positivefor Rhinovirus," a spokesman for Castle Peak Hospital revealed on Friday. No doubt our government geniuses who make announcements of public interest will be making one of their prerecorded warnings: "Avoid contact with rhinoceroses."

* * *

The Hospital Authority just announced that someone in Hong Kong died of rat hepatitis and someone over the border had the Zika virus. This follows African swine fever, the Candida auris superbug, and the Wuhan coronavirus. Aieeyah! What's happening?

Yesterday a man coughed on the MTR and we all leapt backward.

* * *

Hong Kong's most annoying campaign slogan was relaunched at a road safety carnival at Kai Tak on Saturday: "Zero accidents on the road, Hong Kong's goal." There are 52 accidents a day in this city, or two an hour.

12.01am, January 1: "Zero accidents on the road, Hong Kong's goal!"

12.25am, January 1: "Okay, we missed the goal again this year. Never mind, maybe next year."

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