Yes, please strike for the five demands

Central Station | Nury Vittachi 4 Dec 2019

I was trying unsuccessfully to get past infuriating pop-up ads on my screen while the woman set next to me waited patiently for the end of the endless boring ads on Youku, China's copy of YouTube.

That's when we heard that pan-dem supporters in the ad industry had gone on strike for the five demands.

Yessss! I hope advertising staff stop work for as long as possible. Why not make it permanent, chaps?

At the coffee shop, I asked for a show of hands for other highly unpopular professions which people think should go on indefinite strike for the five demands.

Top choice from people polled: traffic wardens.

My favorite new fantasy news story: telemarketing sales staff go on strike for the five demands. "This may last a long time," said the union leader. "We apologize to the public."

Public: "Yaaaay!"

* * *

Teachers, meanwhile, have been resigning from the Professional Teachers' Union, which claims to be neutral but has urged members to support protests.

A teacher from an international school in the New Territories said: "I am professionally unable to support the five demands movement, as my job as a mathematics teacher requires me to know that five minus one is four."

* * *

Reader Christine Tan, who flits between here and Singapore, tracked down this columnist yesterday with an idea.

"I've seen lots of videos in which foreigners clear the rubble in Hong Kong without being harmed, while locals who do it sometimes get badly beaten," she said. "Maybe our gwai lo friends could form a team to reopen blocked roads?"

* * *

Boffins measured the speed of cars and buses in Central and found they moved at just 10 kilometers an hour or "slightly faster than walking," transport supremo Frank Chan Fan said yesterday.

Next time you stroll past a Lamborghini in a jam on Queen's Road take comfort: Your feet go roughly the same speed but cost HK$4 million less.

* * *

Judging by these newly released figures, there seems to be quite a party going on at midnight at the Caritas Medical Center in Kowloon West, with 124 percent bed occupation. Woohoo!

* * *

Blue shirts have stopped crying into their baijiu after their loss in the district council elections. When the actual polling figures were printed, they realized that they only have to flip 233,620 from blue to yellow to have a majority. "I've seen more people than that queuing to buy flats," said one blue-ribbon lady. (But probably not recently.)

* * *

There have been two cases recently of "big" ladies arriving from the mainland. Immigration officers asked: "Are you pregnant?" They said they were not. As soon as they were through, they rushed off to hospitals in Hong Kong to demand a place in the delivery ward.

Both were allowed to give birth and then jailed.

"It's a boy!"

"It's a 14-month jail sentence!"

* * *

I learned from reader Gerry Em that Hong Kong Airlines canceled all in-flight entertainment services to cut costs.

Anyone want to cheer up bored passengers by standing in the aisle and singing a song or two? I can tell dad jokes.

* * *

Speaking of dads, I think they should have a "dad voice" option for Siri. It'll answer all questions with: "Dunno, go ask your mother."

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