Meat-lovers' woes give vegans a laugh

Central Station | Nury Vittachi 6 Sep 2019

Forget the protests. The real issue in Hong Kong is the price of pork. Thanks to African swine fever, a piece of raw pig now costs over HK$315.

My veggie friends are smiling so hard their faces hurt.

"Mad cow disease, bird flu and now swine fever - is there any doubt left that God is a vegan?" one said yesterday.

* * *

Four things that Hong Kong's radical protesters are violently attacking this month: 1) The MTR. 2) The airport. 3) Logic. 4) Their own reputation.

* * *

Having said that, this columnist has spent several days this week with students, both local and from the mainland, and has again been reminded that the huge majority of this city's young people are smart, good-hearted individuals who are so non-violent that they walk around ants.

Have faith, brothers and sisters. The good vastly outnumber the bad.

* * *

Even the recent viral news report that "valiant" male black-shirt protest leaders were getting multiple girlfriends failed to persuade one Hong Kong Polytechnic University student to boycott classes.

He turned up to lectures in a T-shirt yesterday that said: "GRADES NOT BABES."

* * *

Customs officers at Hong Kong airport believed a Brazilian passenger was smuggling something in his bags on Tuesday.

But when they carefully examined his possessions, everything was "clean."

It finally clicked: the bags themselves!

More than HK$1.2 million of cocaine was hidden in the empty bags' metal frames.

* * *

Cathay flight attendant: "People who sit in the row next to the emergency exit have to agree to help in an emergency. Is that okay?"

Passengers: "Sure."

Cathay flight attendant: "Right. Here's the emergency. Everyone's boycotting us and our share price is tanking. What are you going to do about it?"

* * *

The amount of money being gambled away in Macau has dropped dramatically since the protests in Hong Kong began, I heard from a business contact yesterday. Every cloud has a silver lining.

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Reader Gerry Em found the rather unappetizing sounding "Burned Cowboy Grain" on offer at a Hong Kong eatery.

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Trading levels on Hong Kong's futures and options market suddenly dropped to zero yesterday morning, I heard from trader Nick Wong.

Some folk worried it was a political attack, but share market officials later said it was probably just a technical glitch.

It reminded me of the creepy moment many years ago when the Hang Seng Index froze at 666 points down.

Math-lovers: If 666 represents evil, then "root of all evil" is 25.8069758011.

* * *

Announcement from the international idioms board, at least in one reader's imagination: "The phrase 'pot calling the kettle black' will now be replaced by 'Hong Kong protesters scolding the Hong Kong police for drifting toward unnecessary violence. Thank you."

* * *

Reader Michael Dowie had a simple message for protesters complaining about firm police responses: "If there's no violence, there's no need for a police response."

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Hong Kong was yesterday praised as the best place in the Asia Pacific at tackling cross-border money crimes. The accolade came from the Financial Action Task Force - the same international group that famously told the Hong Kong government that it would be a good thing to pass some extradition laws. This recommendation is not repeated in the group's latest advisory document.

Well, what a surprise.

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