Immortality potion found, needs work

Central Station | Nury Vittachi 5 Mar 2019

Archeologists just found the ACTUAL Elixir of Immortality. The magic potion was in an ancient tomb.

The report comes from Xinhua, the Chinese government's press agency, so it must be true.

Three and a half liters of mysterious liquid were found in a bronze pot from a tomb more than 2,000 years old, it says.

Experts recognized the ingredients of the immortality potion described in an ancient Taoist text, the report says, quoting archeologist Shi Jiazhen: "It is the first time that mythical immortality medicines have been found in China."

Reader Michael Man, who forwarded the report to me, added: "The bad news is that they also found a corpse nearby. This suggests it needs a little work."

Clearly we need to fine-tune the Elixir of Immortality to fix it and then give it to our leaders.

The mainland media tells us that everyone is thrilled at the idea that Xi Jinping could be president for life, so how much better if he becomes an immortal?

* * *

And just think, Americans, you could be led by Donald Trump for eternity.

Wait. Where are you going? Why are you screaming?

* * *

Can't decide if you feel like Asian junk food or Western junk food? Now you can have both at the same time.

McDonald's staff said yesterday they are preparing to launch noodle-flavored fries.

The new dish will be launched exclusively in Hong Kong on March 21 as a world first.

The important bit is this: It's Nissin Sesame Oil Instant Noodles.

Yes! Hong Kong young people are obsessed with that product. Many parents, including this columnist, buy it in bulk, and carry suitcases full of it to any children being educated overseas.

Mums: Do not read the next sentence.

Dads: They're not super-healthy, but boy, are they CHEAP.

* * *

Customs officer, Heathrow: "Your suitcase is filled with instant noodles." Me: "It's not illegal." Officer: "Yeah, but still..." Me: "IT'S NOT ILLEGAL."

* * *

This picture was posted on Twitter at the weekend by David Pilling, author of The Growth Delusion, who said: "Back in Hong Kong: my kind of town."

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Four companies in Shenzhen and Longyan made fake Facebook people and sold them as "instant friends and followers" in their tens of thousands, I heard from a friend in the tech industry.

Mark Zuckerberg's staff just filed a lawsuit.

"The fake Facebook accounts featured doctored images, arbitrary comments, and randomly reposted material," my source said.

Wait. That's the same as real Facebook accounts.

* * *

Many people yesterday were talking about the student who was expelled from PolyU.

Western media such as Bloomberg reported that the university was censoring people and associated the student with the somewhat noble Umbrella Movement. Reading that report left you feeling: "Aww, poor student."

But local Hong Kong reports also included details of how he and others stormed into staff offices and behaved in a rough and frightening manner.

Reading those left you feeling: "Aww, poor staff."

* * *

Bohemian Rhapsody, the bio-movie of Farrokh Bulsara, will be allowed into China, it was revealed yesterday. But about one minute of material will be cut, sources said, without saying which bits.

I suspect it's that line in the song which goes "I'm just a Pooh bear; I need no sympathy."

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