Pay to look after my home, cat and dog

Central Station | Nury Vittachi 4 Jan 2019

A Sheung Wan woman heading out of Hong Kong for eight days realized she needed a house-sitter and someone to feed and take care of her dog, cat and house plants.

Instead of paying someone to do the work, she had an idea.

"I am looking for someone to rent my house for eight days while I go away to the USA for New Years," she wrote in an internet advertisement. "Must take care of my cat, dog and plants while I am away."

For the privilege of doing this, the house and pet sitter needs to pay the flat-owner a mere HK$10,000.

"Please also clean it too," the woman's advertisement, placed on a Hong Kong Expats website, added.

This is a brilliant idea.

Next time my kids need a haircut, I'll put out an advertisement.

"Free hair available. Just come and cut it off my kids' heads and donate $1,000 to me. Please also clean my house."

* * *

I used to have a boss who said things like: "I'll give $40 to the first person who gets me a large cappuccino from Starbucks."

Some youngster would rush off to fetch one - only to discover that the drink costs $42, so he'd lost two dollars in the deal.

* * *

Men will be disappointed that the only people allowed to breastfeed in the Breastfeeding Room are women, as shown in this picture sent in by reader Scott Smyth of Fairview Park.

* * *

"Chinese don't attack Chinese," President Xi Jinping said in a special message to Taiwan on Wednesday, conveniently forgetting 2,600 years of feudal history.

But in the case of people who want Taiwanese independence he would make a special exception: "We make no promise to renounce the use of force."

How nice.

* * *

China landed a spacecraft on the moon yesterday. I think we can anticipate what the president's statement will be: "Chinese don't fight moon aliens. But in the case of aliens who want independence we will make a special exception. We make no promise to renounce the use of force." Expect full reunification between China and the moon by 2050.

* * *

Hysterical foreign correspondents really do harm our image. A shocked man named Guru Bhat used Twitter yesterday to lament the way Hong Kong had been crushed by an "iron-fist dictatorship" and wishing that "Hong Kong can be a city-state like Singapore and free."

Free like Singapore?! Thank you, foreign correspondents.

* * *

A Reddit user found the Hong Kong version of the Monopoly board game yesterday. "It's the only version of Monopoly where you never have enough money to buy a house," joked Crunkasaurus.

"Buy a house? I can't even afford to buy the game," added a user called Mr Bean.

A user named Laowai asked: "Do they have a 'CY Leung goes to jail' card in the Community Chest?"

* * *

Actually, the weirdest recent rally in Hong Kong happened on December 22, when a group of Filipinos marched to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Communist Party of the Philippines. Ah, communism, that peerless system of governance, in the Philippines, that country that has been a byword for success the last half-century.

Yes, I am being ironic.

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