He He He's name will get us all laughing

Central Station | Nury Vittachi 7 Nov 2018

These days, clever Hongkongers (and some people in mainland China) deliberately choose English personal names that neatly match up with their Chinese family names.

"I was served in McDonald's by a Milky Wei," said reader Mark Stevens, who collects memorable names. He also met an Honest Lee. Honestly?

Other readers encountered a Morning Sun, a Motor Fan and an Elvis King. There used to be a girl working in Pacific Place called Ice Ng. (I wonder if her boy friend called her "sugar"?)

One that made this columnist LOL is the guy from Guiyang whose real name is He He He, which sounds like someone laughing. He should be in stand-up comedy.

Imagine if he was driving in an English-speaking place and was stopped by police.

Police officer: "Name?"

He He He: "He He He."

Police officer: "NAME."

He He He: "He He He."

Police officer: "Please step out of the vehicle"

Meanwhile, our motoring expert reader Simon Clennell tells us that Hong Kong motorists are driving cars with number plates H0H0H0H0, HAHAHAHA and HAHAHEH0.

* * *

Reader Janet Gilles was amazed to hear the Hong Kong government's main plan to control the out-of-control wild boar population was "use of contraceptives." She asked: "Whose job is it to put the condoms on them?"

* * *

Conspiracy theorists are having fun with the story of journalist Victor Mallet's extra-short Hong Kong visa. They point out that he told many people that he'd soon be leaving Hong Kong - before hosting the Hong Kong independence talk and before the visa issue.

His bosses at the Financial Times in London have lodged an appeal for a long-term visa for him-but keep forgetting to mention that they'd started preparations to move him out of Hong Kong to be Paris correspondent before these incidents.

It seems the full story is not being told.

* * *

This week, The New York Times carried a ludicrously overwrought front-page article about Mallet's departure heralding the end of press freedom and "the death of Hong Kong."

Er, no.

Many foreign journalists have misunderstood the whole thing. The issue was his role as a club representative hosting an event China saw as illegal, not his journalism, a trade he plied freely.

If a different club member-say a maker of toasters-had presided over the talk, those foreign journalists would have to say: "This event sounds the death knell for freedom to eat toast in Hong Kong."

* * *

Reader Jesse Friedlander has a lovely simple solution to Hong Kong's housing shortage crisis: "Just shift the border a few kilometers north: problem solved."

Nice idea.

On the downside, the punishment for encroachment on the Glorious Chinese Motherland's actual land is Death For A Thousand Generations, which could spoil your weekend a bit, Jesse.

* * *

The "sheer absurdity" of this poster, photographed in a restaurant in Seoul, South Korea, is "why I keep coming back to Asia", said reader Eugene Koh.

* * *

Going back to names, a colleague has just reminded me there used to be a woman in Hong Kong named Lai Lai-lai. Many songs have been written about her. And Cathay Pacific used to have a staff member named Mak Mak-mak. I wonder if the two of them, and Mr Ho Ho of Happy Valley, could form a group called "Victims of parents with no imagination"?

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