My steak isn't fresh unless it's still mooing

Central Station | Nury Vittachi 6 Nov 2018

Legendary upmarket US burger chain Five Guys will open on November 19 in Wan Chai.

They are famous for banning freezers in their premises, so they can guarantee everything you eat is fresh.

As a Hongkonger, I'm not that impressed. Here, fresh means buying live chickens, fish, frogs, etc. I'll be impressed if I see a live cow in the back of Five Guys restaurant. ("Which part of Daisy the Cow would you like, sir?")

This columnist's wife once bought a steak from Staunton Street wet market that was so new the butcher hit the meat and it twitched, because its nerves were still functioning.

"Ver' fresh," the butcher said, smiling.

My wife carried the shopping bag home at arm's length. "I'm sure I could hear it mooing," she said.

The good news: order a Five Guys bacon cheeseburger, fries and a shake and you'll get a 2,914-calorie mountain of delicious food. The bad news: order a Five Guys bacon cheeseburger, fries and a shake and you'll get a 2,914-calorie mountain of delicious food.

* * *

Readers were horrified at the inappropriateness of China's Helen Keller Sunglasses luxury brand, featured in this column last week.

"What next?" asked Fong Wing-wai. "Oscar Pistorius socks?"

"How about Beethoven Hearing Aids?" suggested Colin Williams.

"Stephen Hawking Hoverboards?" said Simon Griffiths. "Or Stephen Hawking Athletic Gear?" offered Matthew Sturgess.

Photographer David McIntyre proposed "Helen Keller Photography" for peak inappropriateness.

Mark McCord said there had actually been plans, thankfully scotched, for an "Anne Frank Bar" in Macau.

* * *

Hong Kong kindergartens with 20 children from ethnic minority groups can get a free extra "half a teacher" paid for by tax dollars, Chief Secretary Matthew Cheung Kin-chung announced. Nice. Can schools choose which half of a teacher? Right side, left side, waist up, waist down?

* * *

Reader Scott Smyth was intrigued by this sign on a Shenzhen metro train. It will make people who read Chinese move toward the right-side door and people who read English move away from the right-side door.

* * *

Our item about rude message car number plates sneaking past the inspection committee raised the eyebrows of reader Helen Wise. "I used to be on that committee," she said. "Clearly they need me back."

She and husband Lawrence Grey moved to Johor Bahru in Malaysia because Hong Kong had become ridiculously overpriced. "We would have been happy to have called Hong Kong home for another 24 years if in order to do so we would not have had to live on limpets scraped off the side of the Star Ferry," he said.

* * *

Reader Adrian Chan was excited to share that he had seen a Hong Kong car with an "EBITDA" registration plate: "It's an accounting term which stands for earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortization."

"How dull," said reader Mary Lee.

Adrian laughed. "It reflects on the profession," he said, proudly.

* * *

Meanwhile, reader Lesley Carey said that sneaky Hong Kong motorists with rude number plates were playing a game similar to one racehorse owners play. They get past the censors by giving their steeds names that look okay written down but deliver a different message when shouted out loud by crowds at a racecourse. "One horse was called Norfolk Enchants," she said. Try it.

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