No female of any description hurled herself at him. Now he's suing the manufacturer, Unilever, for false advertising.

Now I know what you're going to say. The problem wasn't the TV ad, but the fact this guy is clearly a total loser. Anyone who believes TV ads has got to be. I hear you. But let's not dismiss Vaibhav Bedi, 26, too quickly.

The series of TV ads he saw showed a young man spraying himself with Axe deodorant (in some countries called Lynx), and then having to fight off buxom women.

Bedi liberally adorned his body with Axe body washes, shampoos, antiperspirants and hair gels. He stepped outside. He braced himself to be ravished by drooling hordes of supermodels. Nothing happened. Women just walked right past him. "I used it for seven years, but no girl came to me," his petition to a court in India said.

It's not unusual for advertisers to lie. It's the norm. Last week, a Hong Kong developer got into trouble for advertising a block of flats in front of the ocean, when in reality a high-rise housing estate blocks the sea view. You'd think a high-rise housing estate would be hard to miss.

My advice: disregard ad slogans. AT&T's slogan is: "Reach out and touch someone." Well, don't. You will be punched in the face by your victim's boyfriend. Nike's slogan is: "Just do it." This may be all right for mild people with innocuous interests, but if you are like the present writer, that is, a red-blooded impulsive idiot, a better slogan would be: "DON'T just do it, think first." Otherwise you will be punched in the face by her boyfriend. (See above).

The slogan for Steinway & Sons pianos is: "The instrument of the immortals." Fact: If you ask the salesman if he can guarantee you will live forever after buying the piano, he just laughs awkwardly and changes the subject. To my surprise, a retired advertising man told me that Axe and similar products actually DO work for many people. How?

"What cosmetic firms are really selling are tools to give you self- belief, which is the most attractive thing in the world," he said.

"You spray on your Axe deodorant, and you think, `Gosh, now I am REALLY sexy,' and you get a spring in your step and a confident smile on your face.

"That's what attracts the opposite sex. It's not actually the Axe deodorant that's doing it. If you believed that rubbing stinkfruit on your body would make you attractive, you'd still get the girl."

I wonder if I can persuade Bedi to try this?

Incidentally, the Maidenform underwear company's slogan is: "I dreamed I went shopping in my Maidenform bra." Ladies, there are lots of reasons for not doing this. For a start, there may be someone nearby following the AT&T slogan and "reaching out to touch someone."

It could all end in tears.

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