Now we've reached the should-do's, some things parents should do to bring up healthy, happy children?

I have often been asked by parents what constitutes "good" parenting. Isn't strict discipline always a good thing?

There are no clear-cut answers to these questions, but I'd say there are parenting styles that result in more positive, rewarding parent-child interaction than others.

Most recommended by child mental health experts is for parents to develop rules with children and at the same time be warm and affectionate with them.

This "authoritative" (not authoritarian) style of parenting is conducive to raising children who are cheerful, self- reliant and competent - thus less likely to develop psychopathology.

This explains to a certain degree why even children born with "difficult" or "fussy" temperament can emerge from childhood well-adjusted.

Here, the same cliche applies: good children are the fruit of good parenting.

Whenever I am on the topic of parenting, I'm reminded of a classic book recommended to me by one of my mentors: How to Talk To Kids So Kids Will Listen And So Kids Will Talk. What a lot of psychological insight packed in one title!

How often do parents tell you that they are constantly fighting with their children and their children won't listen or talk?

It will take a few issues for me to cover various useful parenting tips but this time around I will limit myself to sharing a fun but potentially powerful strategy to improve the parent-child relationship.

I often encounter parents whose relationship with their children are wrought with conflict and struggles due to frustration caused by children's disobedience and even symptoms of mental health problems.

Gradually good times dwindle to parents resorting to threats and punishment. Children lose respect and motivation to do good. This was exactly the case for a family I once saw.

The seven-year-old boy had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

His mother felt that she had to constantly yell at the boy to get him to complete his homework, self-care routines and follow rules at home. "I don't think he listens to me anymore, or even cares about pleasing me," she said.

To enhance positive feelings between them, I used a simple family intervention technique named "special time."

The mother was asked to set aside a certain amount of time each day to be "special time" (for example, 20 to 30 minutes) with her child.

During this time, the boy is asked to choose the activity (recommended activities are those that lend themselves to interaction and mutual sharing, such as drawing, pretend play, building blocks) and mother is asked to focus only on having a good time with her child.

It was important that she refrain from asking too many questions or giving instructions, and instead to just notice or tune into what her child was doing.

Praise was important.

For example, when she noticed her child was building a castle with Legos, instead of saying: "You will need more blocks at the bottom" she commented with enthusiasm: "What a colorful castle you're making! I like that."

The goal is to build up positive interactions between parent and child so that the child will become more committed to pleasing the parents.

The mother in this case was surprised to find how many more things she could accomplish with her child and that he was more willing to talk and listen - just by paying positive attention and staying non-judgmental.

Clinical psychologist Karen Sze offers hope to children with autism, anxiety disorders and social problems. E-mail her at dr.ksze@gmail.com.