But some get bad news. They're told they have failed, despite having spent long days and nights toiling over a hot beer, er, computer, in their halls of learning, or the bars and nightclubs nearby.

Yet, despite the high rate of competition in the education sector, there's surprisingly little envy. Students laugh or cry with each other, except for the occasional jealous murder, which can be attributed to youthful high spirits.

One reader sadly failed to get his degree for the second time, despite having set aside four years of his life and a small fortune. He asked for advice. I informed him that actually, there is a cost-free, study-free way to get a degree from a top university.

A wide range of activities entitles you to a wonderful qualification called an honorary degree.

Noddy Holder, singer of British group Slade, got one from a British university for his services to art and literature, which consisted of co- writing musical masterworks such as Coz I Luv You, Mama Weer All Crazee Now and You Boyz Make Big Noize.

Is your spelling worse than his? No problem. Rapist Mike Tyson got a doctorate in humane letters for his wide range of skills, which include assaulting women in hotel rooms, and biting the ears off opponents.

Too nice to molest women or bite men? You can get a degree for being a hunk. Arnold Schwarzenegger got one for this reason. Tom Selleck got one for serving the cause of mustache-wearing, and Pierce Brosnan for repeatedly saving the world from evil geniuses, but I suspect they mistook him for the James Bond role he played.

What if you are small, unattractive and completely talent-free, such as the present writer? Not a problem. The ghastly looking Robert Mugabe has two honorary degrees, and his only skill is being monstrously evil.

If you have no skills at all, not even negative ones, you can STILL get an honorary degree the Asian way - simply be born rich. One Hong Kong guy recently received a doctorate for being son of one of the world's richest men. His three main achievements: 1.) He was born fabulously wealthy; 2) His dad gave him a top job and a massive salary; and 3) Er. That's it.

Honorary degrees were invented by Oxford University in the late 1470s. Administrators wanted rich, powerful friends, so they gave an unearned degree to the king's brother-in-law. Other universities followed suit.

These days, you don't even have to be human. Long Island University in the United States awarded one to the Muppet Kermit the Frog. This news made me shake my head at the world's folly, which can be summed up in the words of Noddy Holder, PhD: Mama Weer All Crazee Now.

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