Thursday, November 26, 2015   

Love is ... being a billionaire in Uzbekistan with sacks of tiyins

Monday, March 04, 2013


Read this to learn how you can become a billionaire, guaranteed! The lowest-value coins on the planet are now in Asia, a BBC survey reported last week. If you exchanged 850 Burmese pya, you'd get just one US cent.

More microscopic still is the tiyin from Uzbekistan, Central Asia. If your dream is to own a US cent coin, you'd need to save up 2,000 tiyins - and remember not to spend your one cent all at once.

When I told this to a colleague, he wanted to visit Uzbekistan just to fill in a few online dating forms from there.

You see, anyone in that country with a net worth of US$5,000 (HK$39,000) can truthfully write: "By the way, I am an honest-to-God billionaire."

He pictured thousands of beautiful women throwing themselves at him before they learn - too late - that a billionaire in Uzbekistan has less money than a church mouse, a Hong Kong beggar or a Greek tycoon.

Talking of online dating sites, I was shocked to read that rich men in China are using them to find paid mistresses.

The Global Times reported that a typical example was a man named Hoan who posted the usual details about the woman he was looking for (must be 1.6 to 1.7 meters tall, etc), but then added that the right "applicant" will get a SALARY equal to US$1,500 a month plus car.

When I told my friend Lucy, she said: "That is TOTALLY disgusting. So, what type of car is it?" *** Nissin, the Japanese company that makes instant noodles, is to start selling special "survivalist" packages of cup noodles for the equivalent of US$8.36 a portion.

You can store them in your bomb- proof bunker and they won't go off "for three years," the press release says. I didn't know normal cup noodles went off! I must have eaten prehistoric cup noodles loads of times.

The ones in my local supermarket are covered in dust and are probably brontosaurus flavor. *** I was going to make a joke about the horsemeat found in meatballs at IKEA but then I thought: naaaay.

But in truth, my daughter always wanted a pony. So I'm going to buy her a packet of IKEA meatballs.

I'll tell her: "It's an IKEA pony. Self-assembly." *** A firm in Taiwan called Polytron is working on the prototype of a transparent mobile phone, one of those tech websites revealed last week.

It looks like you are holding a piece of glass to your head.

If you thought losing your mobile phone was a big problem before, wait till you get one of these.

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