Thursday, November 26, 2015   

Commit some horrible sin and be reincarnated with a single eyelid

Monday, April 15, 2013


A scientist has invented angle- changing glasses for those suffering from a terrifying modern disease - terminal laziness.

As a long-term sufferer, I would shed tears of happiness, but it's just too much effort.

Say you're lying in bed and something worth looking at appears in your room. Perhaps your favorite TV show starts, or Megan Fox wanders into your bedroom and asks you if you think she looks good in her new string micro-bikini.

In the past, you would have had to lift your head several centimeters to take a look. What a pain. Now you simply slip on your Gorodey 2 angle- changing glasses from Sanco online store in Japan. They contain tiny periscopes so that your head stays completely flat on the pillow. But at the same time, you can see down past your feet in perfect focus.

"Looks okay, Megan, but let me see you in two dozen similar outfits before I give my final verdict. We don't want to rush this."

There seems to be a whole industry making innovative eyewear in Japan. Consider the glasses that claim to give East Asians eyes like those of Westerners and South Asians. "It's a glasses frame with two wire loops sticking up," said a reader named Hiroto, who sent me a link.

The loop gently presses into the skin, giving Chinese, Japanese and Koreans a curved eyelid fold above the eyeball and below the eyebrow.

Does it work? Volunteers who tested it for Japanese website Rocketnews24 say that: a) You look really stupid wearing the glasses, and b) As soon as you take them off, the crease disappears. Epic fail.

I phoned a doctor who said the difference is tiny: East Asian eyelids are three millimeters above the eyelashes, while Western and South Asian eyelids are seven to 11mm above the eyelashes. I told Hiroto, a Buddhist, that there were fun ways he could achieve the same goal.

1) Commit some horrible sin so as to be reincarnated as a lower form of life, such as a Westerner or South Asian. 2) If having massive eyelids is really important, he could commit LOADS of horrible sins and get reincarnated as a chameleon.

I once did a newspaper contest to find the strangest pop song lyric in this part of the world, and the winner was Single-Eyelid Girl by the China Dolls, a group from Thailand.

The lyrics are about a girl who falls in love with a boy who only likes "double-eyelid girls." "The boy at the table opposite us is here again today; look at his eyes, what amazing confidence. But I've heard that he only likes double-eyelid girls! With my single eyelid, I have no choice."

The song conjured up a vision of a Cyclops-like girl with one huge eye in the middle of her forehead.

I've never actually seen the lead singer of the China Dolls, so perhaps that IS what she looks like.

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